Help My Unbelief

Help My Unbelief

When Belief Feels Like a Tug of War Between Faith and Doubt
By Joey

I was reading the book of John this morning.

And to be honest... I left more confused than inspired.

Is it just me?

Like, I want to believe.

I really do.

But sometimes when I read the Bible, especially without commentary or someone else’s thoughts to help clarify, I feel… dumber.

Less connected.

More unsure.

Then I hear someone else’s interpretation or read a commentary, and suddenly I’m like, “Yeah, that makes sense!” And my faith is strengthened again.

But that doesn’t sit right with me.

I don’t want to be a man who only believes because someone else explains it well.

I want to believe because I see it.

Know it.

Feel it.

Deep down.

Personally.

And today… I didn’t.

The Struggle Is Real (and Biblical)

There’s this verse I’ve always loved.

A man brings his suffering son to Jesus, hoping for healing.

And in a moment of raw honesty, he says:

“Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.”
(Mark 9:24)

That’s me.

Right now.

That tension.

That weird middle place between faith and doubt.

Between, “I’m all in,” and “I have no idea what’s going on.”

And the more I read, the more I see that I’m not alone.

Even Jesus’ disciples—the guys who walked with Him, saw miracles firsthand, heard Him teach in person—struggled with doubt and confusion.

In John 6:60, Jesus says something that makes zero sense to them.

(This is the chapter I was also reading this morning.)

Something hard.

Something that doesn’t line up with their expectations or logic.

And it says many of His disciples left Him that day.

But then He turns to the Twelve and says, “Do you also want to go?”

And Peter responds with the words that have been ringing in my ears all morning:

“Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.”
(John 6:68)

They didn’t say, “Oh, now we understand!”
They didn’t say, “That cleared everything up!”

They were still confused.

Still unsure.

But they stayed.

They didn’t need all the answers.

They just knew enough to know there’s nowhere better to go.

So who am I being today?

Am I the deciples that didn't like what I heard and left?

Or am I one of the 12, who stays in faith, even when I have no clue wtf is going on sometimes?

The Bible: A Tool That Feels Like a Test

I want to help people find God.

I want to be a tool that draws others toward Him.

But sometimes, the very tool He gave us—the Bible—feels like it pushes me further away.

That’s hard to admit.

I wrestle with the fact that something so divinely inspired can be so confusing.

So hard to read.

So open to misinterpretation.

I mean, if this is God’s Word… shouldn’t it be clearer?

Simpler?

Less likely to turn someone off or push them into deeper doubt?

Sometimes I don’t even want my family to open it, because I fear they’ll get discouraged or confused like I do.

And yet, at the same time, I also pray they pick it up and finds life in its pages!

I know... Contradiction.

Part of me just wishes God would just give me a divine, mystical moment—something so real and undeniable that it snaps all the pieces into place.

But maybe that’s not how it works.

Maybe faith isn’t about getting it all right or fully understanding every doctrine.

Maybe it’s about staying, even when it’s hard.

Even when you’re confused.

Even when you doubt.

Maybe the lesson is: It’s okay to be stuck.
It’s okay to ask questions.
It’s okay to wrestle.

Maybe the call today isn’t to understand everything.
Maybe it’s just to stay.

Like the disciples.

To say, “That was weird. I don’t get it. But where else would I go?”

If you're in this place too—caught between belief and doubt, clarity and confusion—I just want you to know:

You’re not broken.

You’re not a bad Christian.

You’re not weak.

You’re normal.

And, you're not alone.

Just don’t stop showing up.
Don’t stop seeking.
Don’t stop staying.

Because sometimes, staying when you don’t understand is the most powerful faith of all.